Memories of Ben
First drafted October 2012. Reviewed January 2017
Doing this because Ben's wife, Roselyn sent a mail on the 6th month anniversary of his passing on to glory (!_!) - tears, tears, tears - requesting his friends to share any good memories so his children will know more about heir father. Had done a mail response to that with some brief memory.
Presently on a plane to Dakar for a 3-week TDA and during the long flight, I suddenly remembered the last time Ben and myself and many other colleagues (Aunty SOj - Ma to Ben, Isaac Aladeloye - Is-hac as Ben calls him, Abiola Davies, and the Health Section Chief, Dr. Naawa Sipilanyambe).
Most colleagues went to sleep during the flight except Ben and myself. For some reason, I can sleep whilst moving, including during flights. So I was listening to music on my IPod and Ben was busy with his laptop throughout most of the 5-hour flight. Okay, I can understand listening to music, or watching film or playing games, but guess what he did all that time? Finishing up his essay to submit to the faculty at a South African University where he is pursuing a Master's degree on Health Economics! Never mind that the guy already had a distinction MPH and is an expert on health policy and financing as far back as 1997! In fact he gave us his classmate tutorials and helped us pass the health economics course during our MPH in 1998 when the whole class didn't really understand the course, and we all passed, thanks to Ben.
Back to our flight and mission, the large Nigerian contingent arrived Dakar at 3am. Myself and Ben had a reservation at Archotel and we all have a meeting by 2pm to review and finalize indicators for MoRES so we all need to rest immediately after the flight that operates like molue to prepare for he meeting. People tried to change money at the airport (at 3 am) even though it was not necessary as hotels in Dakar do not require immediate payment before lodging. There we were at the airport, for 30 minutes surrounded by like 20 hefty, unkempt Senegalese youth with dreadlocks (which my generation from my part of the world, used to associate with Ganja smoking and thus they looked dangerous - to the unknown eye). I thought we should quickly go to the safety of the hotel, but Ben, in his usual self, stayed with colleagues, helping with his minimal French, to negotiate the rates with these dreadlocked youth, at past 3am, in a poorly lighted airport. And as soon as a bargain is struck, another Senegalese youth will make better offer (1 cent lower to the dollar, an insignificant amount if you ask me), and colleagues will request to restart bargaining all over. And Ben, the only French-speaker will have to do the bargaining again, and again. I could not understand why people will take such risks when we all know that in our dear Lagos, you won't try that even in broad daylight in full view of the police and I felt we are pushing these youth to the limits, and tempting them and I don't want to have no part in it. I was exasperated and kept insisting we leave, since people are jeopardising their safety for a cent, but Ben wouldn't budge, and insisted on staying until all have changed money and boarded heir taxis for their hotels.
Me: "Ben, lets leave now before these guys attack us and collect the dollars"
Ben: "I am helping these colleagues to bargain, and get them onto taxis as they don't understand French"
Me: "you are risking our lives and they are wasting time over a cent for God's sake. And in any case, they are adults who have more experience on international travels than you. Let's go"
And very stubborn, he will retort politely but firmly and now you can sense his resolve of not leaving: "sorry, you can go, I 'd meet you at the hotel'
So I wait, because he doesn't know the hotel and that was his first time in Dakar and my own sense of right won't allow me to leave him at the airport even if I think he is crazy.
I'd fume and hiss but deep inside, I know he was only Ben helping out others, even at a risk to his safety. Note that he himself was not even changing any money, in a truly selfless service, and all i am thinking of is my safety, and i would wait, fuming, but in my mind knowing he is doing the right thing, and admiring his courage and selflessness (well, and I also thought he didn't make sense, but I think he doesn't care about making sense as long as it's the right thing)
Of course throughout the mission, he kept pushing at all so the indicators were finalized with everyone's inputs. If you keep quiet for a significant time during the meeting, he will visibly get upset, take it up with you and insist you have the responsibility to make inputs. Not that making inputs in an engagement with Ben was easy. Never was, as he will take you up on your every suggestion, query it with a look that says "I don't believe this stupid idea. How ridiculous can you be? Are you serious? And you'd go, 'ok, I withdraw my suggestion, let's go with yours'
now his eyes will get red, and his look changes to 'you are kidding me, you have to defend your proposal or give another one. you can't take the easy route. you will have to defend that input until the whole team is satisfied."
By then you feel like taking a run, but stay because it was not personal, it was just work, and yes, we are all collectively responsible. Some colleagues will walk away saying, 'i am fed up, i am going away, do your worst' and of course, he won't talk to you for hours, because he could not fathom such irresponsibility for a collective work. But trust Ben, he 'd be the first to call you again and enquire about your life, work and health.
On the last night of their mission, Noma, Amina, Ben and self stayed on the porch of Archotel and discussed Nigeria's problems and woes, the impunity with which our leaders behave irresponsibly. We ended up discussing about Dame Patience - i took a deliberate stand to say as the 1st lady, she represents our mothers and we can only use good words to discuss her. Now Ben has very strong family values, and is always respectful even when upset; Amina is a self acclaimed gender activist and in my opinion, an unapologetic feminist and Noma is from the South south, same region as the President and First Lady. Surprisingly all three ganged up and said no, you can only respect someone who respects herself, that she is not our mother, and she did not achieve anything except to be married to Goodluck, who had the good luck of becoming president. I was dumb-founded. Anyways after 2 hours, could not convince them, and they set out for the airport and 11.45.
Typical of him, he called as soon as they checked in at the airport, and also called on arrival at Lagos to tell me they had arrived and he was the only one to do that. Making an international call just to say they arrived safely. That's just like Ben, never shying away from doing the right thing whatever the cost - financial or otherwise.
I only found out days later, that few hours after arrival at Abuja, he was on admitted to the hospital. And till today, I always wondered, was it possible that Ben was unwell, perhaps even in some pain when he made the call to say he had arrived Lagos? It's not beyond him to do a responsible act (no matter how minor) even when he is uncomfortable, unwell, or in pains. He had that gift, that strength of character, that iron will to always do the right thing.
One day, some months after our dear Ben moved on, I heard Mrs Ben say "Ben is one in a million" and I cannot but feel she was her usual modest self. Ben is (yes, i wrote "is") at least one in 150 million. Have never anyone with his brilliance, his discipline, his hard work and his spirituality. Usually those gifts don't come together, but somehow, God blessed him with all at once and he was able to utilize all effectively and in a complementary manner. What a Great guy in all sense of the word: great friend, brother, colleague, classmate, leader, politician and thinker!
I am sure we've only seen a little of you. Your greatest greatness is coming yet, through your wife and beautiful children. Through Roselyn, because I actually think she is the wiser, kinder, and stronger half of your union (Oh yes, it's possible to be better than Ben). Through your children, because the unstoppable "Ben genes" will surely express themselves and help the world.
Usman Shehu Umar
