Text from the Celebrant, Ingrid Tapp:
Good afternoon and a warm welcome as we meet to pay tribute to Doreen Markam whose unexpected death, on April 30th, was such a shock to you all. The fact that you are here today means that you had the privilege of sharing a part of your lives with Doreen, and so will, quite naturally, wish to reminisce, to pay your respects and of course to say goodbye. The ceremony includes a brief look back at Doreen's character and achievements, personal tributes, and a time for quiet reflection. There will also be an opportunity to share further memories at The Pudding Pantry where Ted hopes you will join him afterwards.
In keeping with her principles and beliefs, Doreen requested that, when the time came, the ending of her life should be marked with a humanist ceremony which, as an accredited celebrant and a member of the organisation, Humanists UK, I am honoured to be leading. She also requested that her final resting place should be a natural burial site, and she would surely have approved the choice of this unspoilt tranquil location, where wild flowers grow in abundance, wildlife thrives, and where red kites have been seen patrolling the skies above.
As with all of us, there were many diverse parts to Doreen's character. Ted described her as a mother, teacher, linguist, world traveller, activist, hiker, bird-lover, seeker of knowledge, true friend and devoted grandmother and in the following tributes we will try to do justice to her.
Born in Dartford - where her grandparents lived - on June 22nd 1937, Doreen Iredale was the first child of Tom and Doris Williams. The family home was in Cardiff, but when Doreen was three, they moved close to Doris' parents in Kent and it was there, three years later, that her younger brother, David, was born. This of course was wartime and, in 1944, Doreen was evacuated back to the relative safety of Wales. During her school years she formed close lifelong attachments with other family members; her Grandpa Sid, her Uncle Gordon and Mollie - whose Worthing guest house she sometimes helped out in - and, later, her cousin, also called Gordon.
At school Doreen proved herself to be a very bright and able pupil. She had a natural aptitude for languages and appreciated the opportunities that education could potentially open up for her. She was also very aware of the limited options for - and expectations of - young women at the time, and was determined to change this, not only for herself, but also for others. Aged 18, Doreen gained a place at Southampton University to study French. While she was there she met Achmad Markam and they became parents to Ted. In 1958, following a move to London, Doreen began teaching French at Clarks College, where she stayed for five years before - single again - she arranged for Teddy to go to boarding school in Winchester and moved to Paris to take up a position of Lectrice at Sorbonne University. Initially living with close friends Hazel and Joan before getting a place of her own, Doreen mixed with like-minded people, and found her time in France stimulating, rewarding and enjoyable. She regularly engaged in discussions and debates on topics which mattered to her, such as gender equality and fairness in society, passionately expressing her firmly held views. Doreen loved bringing enlightenment to her students and took great pleasure in opening young minds to the possibilities available to them. Between 1966 and 1981, Doreen worked at Nanterre University, teaching English Literature, Journalism and Phonetics, while also completing her thesis and running the student exchange programme. And in the holidays, Ted always travelled over to France to spend time with her.
In her mid 40s, Doreen returned to the UK. She taught French at Kirby Muxloe, in Leicestershire, before moving to Nottingham where she worked at Clarendon College, lived close to her brother, David, and his family, and developed quite a community of friends. After taking early retirement from her full-time role in 1994, Doreen continued to work part-time at the Institute of Linguists and Nottingham University's Language Centre. But she increasingly came to appreciate the time she was able to spend hiking, bird-watching, exploring the world, and recording details of those trips in detailed travelogues.
Wherever she went, Doreen sought out new companions to share her adventures and, as a result, she had a diverse group of friends from all around the world. Among the people she had made connections with were distant family members who she had contacted and kept in touch with - some of whom may be with us via the Internet today. One group of family members who were distant in geographical terms but who Doreen shared a really close bond with was Ted and his two children, Thomas and Lucy. Travelling to see them at their home in San Francisco twice a year, Doreen relished her new role of Grandma and, in anticipation of their visits to see her, she thoroughly researched and explored all the potential child-friendly places to take them in the area. Spending quality time with her adored grandchildren - both of whom have inherited different elements of her character - was really important to Doreen. Along with Ted they joined her on holiday in Llandudno to celebrate her 80th birthday, and on Doreen's last visit to San Francisco - which, fortuitously was in February 2020 - they enjoyed hikes and time on the beach together. As someone who spent so much of her time away, international travel restrictions had a huge impact on Doreen. She was for a time stranded in Botswana and, having made her way home, she realised that that the only way she would be able to keep in touch with her family was via the internet. So, she quickly mastered Zoom and WhatsApp and spent the last year enjoying her new position of online tutor.
Unsurprisingly, with the easing of restrictions on the horizon, Doreen was eagerly making plans to resume her travels. But unfortunately, this was not to be.
Shocked and saddened as you all are to have lost Doreen from your lives, it should be remembered that, although her life has ended, it has not been erased. When you think of her, it may be her brilliant linguistic skills that are foremost in your mind, and the way she seemed to take on a more flamboyant and expressive personality when she spoke French. Maybe you will recall her unquenchable thirst for knowledge and her desire to spark a similar thirst in young minds. Possibly you will remember her for her dedication to wildlife and to birds, and the RSPB, in particular; an interest which was first ignited by the nature books her father bought for her as a child. For some it will be her passion for travel, and the detailed records she kept of those travels that will spring to mind, and for others it will be her friendship, and the love she had for her family. Whatever memories you have of Doreen, for as long as you continue to think of her and talk about her she will always remain a part of your lives.
I will now hand over to those making their own personal tributes to Doreen: her brother, David Williams, fellow RSPB member, John Forrester, and her son, Ted Markam.
David....
John....
Ted....
We will now pause for a few moments of quiet reflection as - to the accompaniment of a beautiful piece of music appropriately called, 'The Swan' - you think of Doreen in your own way, or say a private prayer if you prefer.
Music for reflection: 'The Swan' from Camille Saint-Saens....
We have been thinking of the part that Doreen played in each of your lives and recalling the many cherished memories she leaves behind. And now we must commit her body to the natural cycle of the world from which she was born and which nourished and sustained her throughout her life.
(Coffin to be lowered)
Immune to the changes and chances of life, and safe beyond illness and pain, Doreen will be a part of this place for all time; through the warmth of the summer and the cold of the winter, through the freshness of the spring and the mists of the autumn. Here, in this quiet place under the wide open sky, now and always, she will be at peace.
We dedicate this woodland plot to every good and precious memory associated with Doreen and hope that peace and strength may grow from this sorrow, and enrich your lives and the lives of those who follow you. Should you return here, I hope you will be reminded of the positive thoughts we have shared today and that they will bring you comfort.
Fittingly, any donations given in memory of Doreen will go to help the work of the RSPB; a cause which was so close to her heart. If you would like to contribute, Ted will be happy to give you details of the online donation.
I will shortly be leaving you to spend a few moments alone, and to cast your roses on the coffin, but first - to close this farewell to Doreen - I will read an excerpt from a verse by the poet, Leslie Scrase. With Doreen's love and respect for nature, I think she would certainly have endorsed the sentiments expressed in this piece. It reads:
I have lived in this great world and known its many joys:
the thrill of mountains and the morning air,
hills and the lonely heather-covered moors,
harvest and the strong sweet scent of hay:
a rock-strewn river overhung with trees,
shafts of sunlight in a valley leading to the sea,
the beat of waves on rough and rocky shores
and wild, white spray flung high in ecstasy;
the song of birds awakening at dawn and flaming sunsets at the close of day
with cooling breezes in the secret night – music and the moonlight sea;
the comfort of my home and treasured things,
the love of kin and fellowship of friends:
the tapestry of life, both joy and pain is ours to live but once and not again.
When I look back upon my richly varied years, I crave no more, so shed no tears.