Twenty years ago today, I experienced one of the most heartbreaking and traumatic events in the history of my short existence, the death of my father Eugene Cuddy.
I still remember the day of his wake, I was six years old and mom took me by the hand to gaze upon my father's corpse lying in a coffin. I remember asking my mother why my father was here and why his body was so cold. After explaining to me what death was, I kissed his forehead and walked away. That is the last memory I have of my father.
Watching through old home movie footage recently, I could tell that this man loved his children and was a proud parent. Seeing him hold my sister and play with me at our old home on Kelsey Street in New Britain just broke my heart. There was love to be found in his heart.
My father was a tremendous NASCAR fan, we watched the infamous race where Dale Sr. died together. My father also loved to fix things and always came through when our furnace broke down. My father was the mechanic at the Lindbergh (now Bodycote) heat treating plant in New Britain and won many awards for his attention to detail.
I miss my father terribly and there is not a day that goes by where I don't think of him. There are many who have told me to "move on" and "accept it." I'm sorry, when you lose someone that close to you at such a young age, that trauma will carry with you the rest of your life. I will never not be heartbroken over this. Grief has no time window. I tear up even now seeing fathers and sons or fathers and daughters together, I wish I still had that. There will forever be a gaping hole in my life that will never be filled no matter what I accomplish. He won't be there to see it.
I will forever cherish my memories with my father, we had our own toolbenches side by side so I could be just like dad. I will remember the many trips to Grandma Soucy's house and I will prize the home movies which contain my father's voice. Even now I can hear it in my head. I wish to remember the good.
Today, I remember my father, Eugene Richard Cuddy, who died 20 years ago today.