To my dear sweet husband,
Today Samantha and I went to Dillon Beach, stopped for a draught of the best clam chowder in the world, and finished off with a visit to Bodega Head. It was a sunny, clear blue-sky-day like we haven't seen for months, it seems, and reasonably warm - a perfect beach day, even warm enough to walk barefoot. The beach was as big as I have ever seen it, even though we were there with in couple of hours of high water. As I stood at the inland end looking out at the dread Tomales Bay entrance, full of hefty white capped waves, while Samantha ran on the nearby dunes, all I could think of was how much we loved sailing into Tomales, waking up on what has to be one of the most beautiful bays anywhere, except maybe Drake's Bay, aboard Night Watch, and hanging out on the bluff with our CCA buddies. And how lucky we were to be able to spend so much time on the water together on such a happy boat. I feel I have been very lucky in my life, but that it was more than luck, maybe a smidge of fate, considering all the unlikely coincidences that brought us together.
A strange thing, though. Being a Monday, there were very few people at the beach, but each of them had a dog or two. You know how people with dogs often stop to chat with other people with dogs. Of the six or seven people with whom I chatted, every last one spoke of having just lost a dog and how deeply it hurt. It seemed as though someone was trying to remind me that loss is a natural part of life, a thing that can happen when you love.
At Bodega Head, the water out beyond the buoys looked deceptively smooth. It was only the wind and the size of the surf pounding the waves that made me hesitate before saying in my low pitch voice, "Hey Jerry, good day to be heading out the gate!" After all, we had rarely found a day that was not good. I can't tell you how close you felt there. It was as if you were in the wind swirling around me, that I could touch you. I could feel your love pressing into me. I did not want to leave because you were so close; I was where I belonged, but poor Samantha could not keep her ears in place. I finally took pity on her.
By the time we left, I had turned a corner. I felt so deeply thankful for the time we did have together, and for the joy we had in who we were and and all we were able to do, and mostly in our love for each other. Nothing will ever take these away from us; they are ours forever. And I thank you for being the best husband I could ever have imagined, one who continues to watch after me. Now I feel ready to step out on my own and make a life for myself that will be different, but hopefully as full. I trust you will be at my side as you always have been, and I know that what you want- for yourself as much as for me- is my happiness. I now want it too, and I will find it. And know that no matter what path I take, or where it leads me, you will be in my heart forever.
I love you up ..........,
SW