I knew it was today (yesterday), I'm still awake...somehow I knew. It may always haunt me as, long as I live, as a precursor right before my birthday.
The news of her passing was some of the most painful I have ever heard or felt. It has gotten easier to handle, over time, as many losses and changes do, in this life. But the occasional overwhelm of emotion cannot be avoided, like a punch in the gut, a terror exploded within the mind.
A song came on, a day or so ago, I have heard before. But this time it was from her, and tears welled and could not be stopped as the lyrics through voice became a message without choice. And I wept uncontrollably on my way to work, at the beauty of such Love lost, such closeness released, such knowing understood, such a friendship, such a bond...broken.
However, as I type this now, a box just beneath my hands slightly falls, without any other provocation that can be explained. It once held gifts sent to me from her, it still bears her handwriting; she is still here. Never again in the selfish way that once knew and wished to keep, but forever in any way that I or so many who loved her may need.
So missed is she who could no longer remain less than everything.
♡I miss you to death Bee♡