Mourning A Beloved Friend, A Brother Indeed!
By David Iloanya.
It was in mid-July, 2023. Just home from work, I was taking a shower when my brother-in-law, Nwanneka, called to inform me that Obi Chidom was quite ill in the hospital, diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. A profound sadness engulfed me. My beloved elder brother, Peter Chika Iloanya—a doctor—had just passed on to glory on April 17, 2023, from the same illness. I was lost for words. This cannot be true, I whispered to myself, recalling that Obi and I had recently spoken regarding my late brother’s “Service of Songs” which he planned to attend.
From the moment he was introduced to me many years ago, I took to calling him 49ers, a nickname inspired by his size and build. We spoke frequently on the phone. I sent him many highlights of my daughter’s basketball games to elicit his insights on how the game is played. He was something of a basketball aficionado. He taught me how the game is played, skills that needed development, how players get selected for professional ranks—in short, the ins and outs of the game. He would always ask after my daughter, anxious to learn how she was doing in sports and life overall. He often spoke to her as well, giving her tips and guidance to be a better and more productive player. He constantly updated me on his son’s and daughter’s basketball careers. Whenever I rang him, he would exclaim, “Davido! Kedu ka I mere?” his signature baritone voice inflected with excitement. He was always happy, engaged and connected. We would talk at length until he was called for lunch or dinner, or to some other tasks.
I was at work on Monday holding my usual weekly meeting with staff when my daughter called. In a mournful, fading voice she asked, “Daddy, did you hear the news? Uncle is dead.” “What?” came my terse response, uncertain who she was referring to. “Who?” I asked in an emotional tone. “Arinze’s Dad,” my daughter replied.
I was silent for a full minute or more, my lips visibly shaking. Then I let out a dejected gasp. I was in utter disbelief, incapable of taking in the message. I found myself unable to concentrate on my meeting. My staff seemed confused, wondering what had happened. I had no language to convey to them that I had lost a most dear friend.
As the reality of the tragic news permeated my consciousness, I was drawn to reflect on an immemorial poem by John Donne, a renowned 17th century English poet. Published in 1624, Donne’s poem includes the remarkably poignant lines: “…Any man’s death diminishes me, / Because I am involved in mankind, / And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; / It tolls for thee.”
Obi was in many ways an extraordinary human being, capacious in his desire for the success and happiness of others. A man who naturally radiated happiness, he related to people in an open, honest manner. He modeled a spirit of charity in his engagements with others. He was not a man of artifice, but rather genuinely supportive of those in need.
I am yet to overcome my shock and the sadness that settled in my heart following Obi’s sudden departure. My grief is compounded by the fact of the proximity of his death to that of my elder brother. For me, it’s a double dose of pain and bereavement. The depth of grief is so shattering that one’s tongue feels tied, one’s sense of equilibrium unsettled. It is altogether impossible to understand or process my emotions.
Obi’s departure has left a veritable emptiness in the lives of the family and friends he showered with exceeding kindness. His death is bound to foster despondency in numerous family and friends who cherished his charisma and reciprocated the love and kindness he shared with disarming ease.
In our countless conversations, Obi often conveyed to me how blessed he felt for having a close-knit family and dependable circle of friends. Whenever I was around him, I witnessed and felt his generosity of spirit. To be in his presence was to experience a moving depth of love and humanity. He treated others in a manner that suggested his belief in their intrinsic regality.
“49ers” was a man of steadfast integrity, a brother’s keeper. A hard-working man, he never complained about any challenges or tasks. He constantly sought to inculcate moral rectitude in youngsters and to instill the necessity for a sound work ethic.
Part of Obi’s greatness lay in his everyday deeds, a harvest of small but consequential acts. He was always responsive to his family and friends in their times of need. It was no surprise that he earned their devotion and gratitude. He was a devoted husband, a doting father, a warm-hearted uncle, and a cheery friend.
“49ers” lived a good, fulfilled life. In death, he has earned an imperishable legacy. The tremendous outpouring of tributes and condolences since his passing bears witness to the richness and fullness of the life he led. There’s no greater splendor than to have countless people come forward to testify to one’s virtues, bearing witness to the many ways in which one reached out and touched others’ lives. That’s the Obi I was privileged to know. His impressive legacy, and our recollection of his splendid deeds, will ensure that he stays alive in our hearts.
The Almighty God who spoke the world into existence does not make mistakes. We praise God for the gift of Obi’s life. May his legacy continue to stimulate and enliven all of us who knew and loved him, and who received the warmth of his great love and kindness.
Let’s keep celebrating Obi’s impactful life, his gregariousness and infectious cheer.
He will be missed. May his soul rest with God in Heaven, Amen‼️