Dear Pastor Femi,
I love you.
You are one person I connected with so fast... One conversation, and that was it... I loved the real and I loved the wit. But for time, we had such potential to just stay there... talking.
It has always been something I couldn't resist - a good conversation, a very meaningful one... Even better when godly, and immersed in humour. That's how it was with you that first time, how it has since been.
You hadn't known me that long, yet you were most generous with your encouragement and admiration... You never hid it. And I could relate because it's also who I am - the one fully naked in my affection for others, especially those who capture my heart like you.
Its so hard, feels really hard to engage, to imagine, to fully realize that "that" life, full life, "alive" life is done here.
We didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get to say goodbye.
I wish I knew... wish I got to tell you I love you all the time... Wish I got to sit with you just a little while, just one more time...
I still want to hug you...
There's so much I had in store to say to you, to gist you about..The time wasn't there, so I had countless conversations with you in my head while I waited - I've shared things really personal with you in my head, cried to you in my head, laughed hard with you in my head, and ahead, I always pictured your - enthusiasm, smile, humour, random comments, amazement...
I already miss that.
I wonder if my appreciation of you to you mirrored enough, I hope they did times I gleefully expressed that your words were timely and accurate.
You were my most favourite person in TCA. I ever so pictured myself having the opportunity to say that to you someday, openly... it would have been on the stage, and you seated in your usual corner, on your usual sit would nod and smile enough for me to know that you hear me...
This is my best bet now.
I feel i didn't get to fully express that God confirmed things to me through you but I truly hope you saw the gem and friend that you were in my eyes, in my smiles, in my hugs.
This one truly hit hard and I had to process ... But thanks be to God Who has these past days helped me to understand properly that I was "endeared to a messenger"...
That's who you were Pastor Femi - God's messenger to each and everyone of us you encountered and impacted, so that when you smiled and cheered and prayed and spoke and lifted etc., It was actually God doing all that.
You were God's messenger and a fine job you did of it sir... Crazy hard as it is, knowing this will make it more bearable with each passing day.
I'm glad I met you... Eternally grateful that I met you. It was only 3 years, but very meaningful they were for me. And your legacy,... Christ's legacy through you of "Real, Intentional and Personal" will ever stay with me.
Rest on my beloved pastor and friend... See you on the other side - you're one person I look forward to seeing in heaven.
------------------------------------------------------------
I was endeared to a messenger
In him I delighted
In him I enthused
For his eyes for me, his warmth to me
But I did not know a messenger he was
I was endeared to a messenger
In his admiration I revelled
In his validation I nestled
For Nakedly he showed, and excitedly he told
But I did not know a messenger he was
Kings and kingdoms must pass away
So alas his time it came
And while I despaired of the vacuum left
Then my eyes began to see
Kings and kingdoms must pass away
Yet remains the words and warmth
As ones from the Loving One
So now I know whose ways I loved
I was endeared to a messenger
He stayed his course, an herald he was
And grateful I am for the message his was
From the King, through His king
I was endeared to a messenger
I've been endeared to messengers all my life
Eternally grateful for them I remain
For joyfully living the Sender's Love
Sleep on God's messenger - I love you dearly, I love you forever.