致最亲爱的父亲 (To My Dearest Father, English below)
我一生人最幸福和最幸运的就是能做您的女儿。有您这样无私,智慧,给予我和所有亲友无条件的爱的父亲,我一生以您为荣。您住院的这一个月,整个家族每天都关心着您的病情,他们是从心底里关心着您。您一生对人付出,他们是感受到的。
今次新冠的病情让您受苦了。一向生命力澎湃的您被困在病身之中,这不是一直尊重生命和生命尊严的您想再过下去的人生。虽然我们没能通话,但一辈子父女情深,我是很理解明白,和支持尊重您的选择。
我们的爱会永远陪伴您,您永不孤独。您的爱也会一直留在我的心中,妈妈的心中,高山的心中,一辈子陪伴着我们。我一辈子有您给我取之不尽的爱,智慧,和勇气,会过得好好的,也会尽我的全力照顾好妈妈和高山。所以您不用牵挂着我们,安心地走。
您的一生热情,乐观,积极,充满了爱心和智慧,我觉得您活得无怨无悔。您的才华洋溢,诗词歌赋,都是信手拈来。退休的这几年,您坚持每天写一首诗。人前演说,从不备稿。而且人越多越振奋。心中生命中充满了创作力。您丰富的精神生活给予您身边人无数力量和生气。您的一生是闪亮发光的,灿烂的。这不是取决于外界的成就,而是您人性的光芒。
人怎样活,就怎样死。您一辈子都说,放下包袱,轻松前行。我深信此时此刻的您,也是放下了所有的包袱,轻松前行。您敬畏生命,这几年来您一直为死这题目每每深思,一直为这一天做着功课。您常想爷爷晚年的笔迹,“我已经没法再走这条路了。让我能给予的就都给予吧。” 因此您只想把余生的正能量给身边人。即使在身体举步维艰的情况下,仍每星期坚持去接高山放学一天。您每次为接高山,要准备好几小时才能做到,却做得心满意足。去年十月在我妈妈七十一岁生日时,带她照了一套黄昏婚纱照,暮年携手,温馨感人。为的也是给我们后辈一个美好的留念。您一直在放下您的包袱。所以这次您进医院后,虽然我们没能直接对话,但我知道您没有牵挂,无怨无悔,对死洒脱自在。这是我最大的安慰。
爸爸,您安息走好。我跟您约定了,我们来生再结父女缘。
永远深爱您的女儿,
王琳
Dearest Dad,
My greatest blessing in my life is that I can be your daughter, to have you as my dad who gave unconditional love to me and others. I am so proud of you all my life. When you were at the hospital this month, the entire Wang family was thinking of you every day, including the family from Shanghai. They cared about you from their heart. You gave to others all your life, and everyone could feel it.
Your body suffered a lots with the coronavirus this month. You were full of life and believed in the dignity of life, to be trapped in a sick body like this was not the quality of life you would want, and you didn't want to go on like this anymore. As deeply as we understood each other throughout our life, even though we didn't actually talk to each other, I fully understand and support you and respect your will.
Our love will always be with you. You will not be lonely. Your love will always be in my heart, Mom's heart, and in Adam's heart, and it will be with us for the rest of our life. I'll carry your love, wisdom, and courage with me. I'll live a good life and take good care of Mom and Adam with all my heart. So you don't worry about us and can rest in peace.
You lived your whole life with passion, optimism, kindness and wisdom. I think you had lived your life without regrets. You were incredibly talented - from poetry, to songwriting, to arts, inspirations seemed to come easily to you all the time. In your retirement, you wrote a poem every day. Whenever you made a public speech, you never prepared in advance. And the bigger the audience, the more energy and confidence you had. You had endless creativity from your heart and life energy. Your rich spiritual life gave everyone around you much energy and vibrancy. Your life is filled with light, illuminating and spectacular - not because of material achievements, but because of the light of your humanity.
How one lives is how one dies. Throughout your life you said, let go of burdens and walk lightly in life. I deeply believe that at this moment, you let go of all your burdens and walk lightly onward too. You respected life, and you had been contemplating the meaning of death and preparing for this day. You had been thinking often of Grandpa's writing of a Quaker quote at the end of his life, “I won't be able to walk this road again. So let me give all I can give." You wanted to give your remaining positive energy to those around you. Even when you could hardly walk, you insisted on picking up Adam from school once a week. Even though it could take you hours to get ready for it, it gave you so much joy. In last October on Mom's 71st birthday, you took her to take a wedding photo shoot. It was such a sweet gesture, and it was also because you wanted to leave us with the memory. You had been leaving your burdens all along. So even though we never had a chance to have a conversation since you got into the hospital, I knew that you had no regrets and you could face death with peace. And that, gave me the greatest comfort.
Dad, may you rest in peace. Let's make a deal - let's be father and daughter again in our next life.
Your loving daughter forever,
Lin