Our Mom
August 28, 2023
It is no surprise that our mom was always gentle. She never raised her voice and she never got angry. She even told us she wasn’t angry, “I’m not angry, Heather… I’m disappointed”. Which was soo much worse. She had a silly side. She was known to gallop into our rooms on an imaginary horse like some Monty Python knight of the round table. She loved to laugh. And we loved to make her laugh. She had a love for pretty things. She loved her vignettes so we tried to show off some of her collection and each table contains items from her home. These are not props, these are her treasures. She had many looks over the years. I remember the Linda McCartney shag, the Farrah Fawcet, the Diane from Cheers. No matter the look she was always completely put together- every pleat was pressed and every hair in position. Everything was just so.
As the baby I was the child of “last firsts”. The last child to start school, the last to go to college etc. Many of my last firsts it seems she took the opportunity to step out of her comfort zone - to be an example of strength and determination for her children. When I started elementary school, she started trade school - becoming an aesthetician, and she became the best. This was her first step toward the financial independence she would need to put her family on a healthy track. When I started high school, she and Helen bought the business property on South Main St, she was making investments into her business and building equity. When I went off to college, she started her 20 year journey toward finally achieving her Bachelors degree. She studied philosophy, always searching for perspective, staying up all night writing papers two, four or six donuts at a time. When Victor and I married, I imagine she breathed a sigh of relief knowing that her baby was now someone else’s responsibility. She was only then willing to switch her focus from her children’s immediate needs to find renewed joy as a woman - her own renaissance. She was a nurturing mother, a loving daughter, a successful business owner, and now a scholar, this stunning woman was the catch of a lifetime. RE-enter George, who also goes by George? And George!. Mom allowed herself to be giddy again and would literally glow as their budding relationship developed into a loving marriage. How lucky she was to watch the children she raised become successful adults: Steven the musician and craftsman, Holley the editor, graphic designer and professional vacationer, and me, the baby who among other things became a mom. Our mom’s love is infinite and not like a pie, her heart only grew bigger when she welcomed George’s daughter Susan into her family. Mom properly enjoyed her empty nest, lovingly sharing this happiness with her partner of over 23 years.
For me as a mom of two young kids, it was naturally a challenge to travel regularly for visits though she never made me feel guilty for living so far away. When the holidays rolled around she would tell me how important it was that we create our own family traditions. We did occasionally share holidays together, once even a Christmas in CA, where we had great warm weather and wine tasting by limo. We knew these were the holidays that were extra special and they are all cherished memories. Holley spoke of this past year with Julian and Mallory’s wedding, the incredible surprise 50th celebration in California and the St Patrick’s day trip to NYC. We are so lucky. But every visit, every phone call with her was a joyful occasion.
When I became a mom, Mimi as she became known, came out to California for a few weeks to help me with newborn Carmela who was born just in time for us to celebrate our first mother’s day together. Mom shared with me some of her secret parenting skills. She explained that babies and children don’t understand words so we need to reinforce behaviors using non-verbal communication. She said babies and children understand when you make a happy face. So when a baby does something wonderful we naturally reward them with a joyful smile, and when they do something we don’t want them to do we show displeasure by scrunching up our face. In retrospect I don’t think she limited this communication style to children….and I think that is why each of us loved to make her happy if only to see the joy on her face. She programed us to be the best we could be simply with her beautiful smile.
There’s a word that keeps coming up today, "Joy". Remember her with joy. And don't forget to moisturize!
As the baby I was the child of “last firsts”. The last child to start school, the last to go to college etc. Many of my last firsts it seems she took the opportunity to step out of her comfort zone - to be an example of strength and determination for her children. When I started elementary school, she started trade school - becoming an aesthetician, and she became the best. This was her first step toward the financial independence she would need to put her family on a healthy track. When I started high school, she and Helen bought the business property on South Main St, she was making investments into her business and building equity. When I went off to college, she started her 20 year journey toward finally achieving her Bachelors degree. She studied philosophy, always searching for perspective, staying up all night writing papers two, four or six donuts at a time. When Victor and I married, I imagine she breathed a sigh of relief knowing that her baby was now someone else’s responsibility. She was only then willing to switch her focus from her children’s immediate needs to find renewed joy as a woman - her own renaissance. She was a nurturing mother, a loving daughter, a successful business owner, and now a scholar, this stunning woman was the catch of a lifetime. RE-enter George, who also goes by George? And George!. Mom allowed herself to be giddy again and would literally glow as their budding relationship developed into a loving marriage. How lucky she was to watch the children she raised become successful adults: Steven the musician and craftsman, Holley the editor, graphic designer and professional vacationer, and me, the baby who among other things became a mom. Our mom’s love is infinite and not like a pie, her heart only grew bigger when she welcomed George’s daughter Susan into her family. Mom properly enjoyed her empty nest, lovingly sharing this happiness with her partner of over 23 years.
For me as a mom of two young kids, it was naturally a challenge to travel regularly for visits though she never made me feel guilty for living so far away. When the holidays rolled around she would tell me how important it was that we create our own family traditions. We did occasionally share holidays together, once even a Christmas in CA, where we had great warm weather and wine tasting by limo. We knew these were the holidays that were extra special and they are all cherished memories. Holley spoke of this past year with Julian and Mallory’s wedding, the incredible surprise 50th celebration in California and the St Patrick’s day trip to NYC. We are so lucky. But every visit, every phone call with her was a joyful occasion.
When I became a mom, Mimi as she became known, came out to California for a few weeks to help me with newborn Carmela who was born just in time for us to celebrate our first mother’s day together. Mom shared with me some of her secret parenting skills. She explained that babies and children don’t understand words so we need to reinforce behaviors using non-verbal communication. She said babies and children understand when you make a happy face. So when a baby does something wonderful we naturally reward them with a joyful smile, and when they do something we don’t want them to do we show displeasure by scrunching up our face. In retrospect I don’t think she limited this communication style to children….and I think that is why each of us loved to make her happy if only to see the joy on her face. She programed us to be the best we could be simply with her beautiful smile.
There’s a word that keeps coming up today, "Joy". Remember her with joy. And don't forget to moisturize!